Posts Tagged ‘holidays’
Parties! Shopping! Different food! Extra family! Houseguests! Travel! Extra worship times! Late nights!
Holidays can be extremely stressful for the neuro-normal. All the above concerns plus whatever is added in your particular family can turn even the most calm environment into Grand Central Station.
When you add the concerns of an autistic family member, what are you going to do?
In my experience, there are ways to participate with great joy and gusto in the holiday cheer of your family and social traditions, but you have to do so with some consideration. So if you are “the autistic family” or know someone who is affected by autism, here are some thoughts:
* Remember: Yours is not a “normal family.” Though you undoubtedly do all you can to ensure a normal life for every member of your family, there are limitations inherent in the life of a family with autism. And that’s okay! If one of your family members were blind, you’d work with it. Same goes with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
* Prepare your autistic family member for the changes that will be coming. Make social stories, if they help. Discuss visitors or places you’ll be going. Show pictures of family members they may not have seen in a while. Tell them stories of past holidays and help them remember any personal contact with people and places that will be encountered during the holidays.
*Schedules are important! Do not expect everyone to cater to the needs of your special needs family member, but do be prepared to cater to those needs yourself. If the family is planning a gathering out, to say an amusement park or zoo, or circus or even a big holiday reunion, have a Plan B ready to go for your family. Bring a backpack with quiet diversions. Find a place where you can take someone who needs just to get AWAY for a while. Consider perhaps bringing transportation so you can return to a hotel or home on your own, allowing everyone else to continue in the activity while you tend to the needs of your autistic family member. If possible, schedule these fun times earlier in the day, with time afterward to decompress.
* Provide the familiar. Sometimes, it helps to keep special toys, books, blankets or pictures handy. Comforting textures and smells can soothe a troubled mind and spirit in the midst of perceived chaos. Provide, too, snacks, favorite meals, drinks, straws, cups, whatever can be used to help bring the familiar into the unfamiliar, so that discord is avoided if possible.
* Be courteous to others. This might sound pedantic, but I don’t mean it to be. My philosophy is that other people are dining out, at the amusement park or wherever to enjoy themselves. It is not their job to handle the outbursts of my overwrought autistic child. It is my job to allow everyone to enjoy themselves as much as possible. Neither are these strange environments at the holidays conducive to teaching an autistic family member new social skills. These social skills should be taught and practiced at other times. If they cannot handle the new environments, sounds, people… Take them away and to a more quiet or familiar place. That shows courtesy to all involved, even if it is highly inconvenient at times.
And finally…
* As much as possible, try to relax yourself. Your attitude rubs off on all who are near you. If you take things in stride, so will others. Remember to breathe deeply, speak calmly, and smile. And try not to apologize too often.
The holidays should be a time of joy, to celebrate many things with family and friends, and have a good time while doing so. Allow yourself the opportunity to join in the fun!
