At the end of a very long life, a much-beloved man was carried back and forth to his friends when they got together.  He was rather feeble in body, but his heart was ever-strong.  He loved these young people who combined friends, family and faith-group.  He loved them extraordinarily.

So, when it was time for him to speak to them, he didn’t go on and on and on about erudite topics. Instead, knowing that his own time was drawing to a close, he kept his remarks short. Simple.  To the point.

I can see him in my mind’s eye.  An old man, possibly missing some of his teeth.  Palsied movements.  Age spots on his skin.  Carried on a stretcher.  Gnarled joints, sagging jowls, maybe.  Sparse hair, whiter than snow on his head.  Maybe even a little sad looking.

Until one saw his eyes and the love and concern that burned brightly in them.  He knew that the younger people with him would have many trials and temptations set before them and, unlike him, they did not have the memory of a certain extraordinary example to follow.  They had only reports of this example.  Letters.

Only this last living man, John, had walked with Jesus of Nazareth personally, in these meetings.  Had seen him. Talked with him.  Laughed with him.  Been asked to pray with him.  And now, John, too, would be taken away.  He dearly wished to go, I’m sure.

But to these young people who gathered around him, out of respect and courtesy if not avid thirst for learning, there was no such vibrant reminder such as John had had.  So John kept his messages in these waning months and years simple.

Little children, love one another, he said often.  Over and again.  Little children, guard yourselves from idols.

Then, perhaps, with a voice weak from nearly a century of use, perhaps, he would stop, cough a little, and lay  heavily back on the stretcher upon which he had been carried.

Love one another, he said.  Do not follow false promises.

Guard yourselves from thinking that anything or anyone is more powerful than the Lord God Almighty.  Hold nothing more dear than you hold HIM.  Do not be deceived. Do not stray.

Did he know how far the people would fall?  Or was John granted a gift of extraordinary hope?

Love one another.  Little children, dear one, my beloved children, guard yourselves from false promises.  Worship the Lord God only.

When one nears the end of life, the truth is actually quite simple.  Theology is complex, but at the end, there are only the basics.  I think it’s kind of sad that we have tossed up so much to get in the way of them.

Tags: God, hope, love, theology

Builder has been having aggression issues. Again. They seem to be triggered by one of two things:   Someone he has real difficulty handling or someone he really rather likes.

Go figure.

Regardless of the trigger, the behavior is unacceptable.  Tossing desks across a room, targeting other children for smacks over the head — these are not acceptable behaviors!  With Builder, though, these behaviors do occur cyclically.  And right now, we’re in a cycle of aggression.  Sigh.

What his teacher, here called Ms. Brown, and I are doing is providing what we hope will be a motivator that he will buy into for more than a week or two.  (That’s the thing with Builder; he knows when he’s being bribed! lol) So what we are doing is letting him earn something he very much enjoys:  car rides home!

To do this, we need the cooperation of the school staff and administration, because it means that Builder leaves school almost an hour early on days that he has earned a car ride.  This is mostly because his Ride, Mom, doesn’t want to have to fight with the insane traffic present at the school much closer to dismissal time (you would not believe it, so just trust me).  Hence, I am allowed to come early, pick him up, and we can leave the school with a minimum of fuss.

What we are doing is allowing him to “purchase” car rides home.  He does this by earning laminated play money, “School Name” Dollars, by cooperative and aggression-free behavior during different parts of his school day.  Morning work with his regular teacher, Ms. Brown, will earn him one Dollar.  Appropriate behavior during Specials (music, PE, etc.) will earn him another. And when he goes to his mainstream class for Math, he may earn another one.  That means he can earn three in a very good day. 

As we are beginning this new motivator, we have set the price of a Car Ride at Five Dollars.  This means he is not penalized if he blows it for part of his day, but it will take him longer to earn the reward.

Today, he should be earning the first of these Car Ride Rewards this morning. I’ll pick him up today if he does so.  Then, we will start on the next one.

But…there’ll be a catch.  We are adjusting for inflation. The next car ride will cost him Six Dollars.

I am not sure if he’ll go along with this new incentive program, but I am hoping he does. At least until Christmas.  It’s hard to say, with Builder. He’s a smart kid, but very stubborn. He might decide that this reward isn’t worth, say Seven Dollars.  So after he earns the next one, he may choose to quit trying for it.

When he was a little guy, and we were “potty training” him, I tried incentives.  Things I knew he liked to do, to eat (M&Ms) etc.  But with each new incentive I tried, he decided that the reward was no longer something he wanted. Indeed, he swore off M&Ms for a full year.  (Not literally, but it was true that he refused to eat them.)  The truth is he would rather go without something he likes, sometimes, than be compelled to perform in a way he doesn’t wish to.

His elder brother is much the same, so I am not surprised.  <smile>

I am hoping that the Car Ride Reward System has a longer shelf-life than the M&Ms.  But even more, I hope that Builder learns that he can indeed control his behavior when he really wants to do so.

Maybe, someday, that will matter to him.

Tags: Autism, behavior, school