“What were they thinking, when they bought the ceiling fan?”

“Mom, why didn’t I choose that instead?”

“Mom, how come she didn’t do that when I wanted her to?”

No, Builder isn’t asking out of idle curiosity. There really is a phenomenon with autistic people that makes some of them think we all have the same thoughts and mindsets.  You can place two autistic people back to back, facing opposite directions, and ask each what the other person sees.  They will describe what they see, instead.

“No, this is what they see. Just like this,” they’ll tell you.

This is highly frustrating.  It’s like talking to someone who thinks we’re all in the Borg.

Think about how confusing this must be for those who truly operate with this mindset!  Imagine that you think everyone knows what you know, but they do not divulge it. Imagine thinking they’re lying to you about what you know or think you know. Imagine thinking you SHOULD know something but you don’t and no one can tell you.

Because, in truth, we each occupy our own minds.  We can’t peek in on one another.

I didn’t know this was common among people with autism until Ms. M, our home educator and autism specialist, told me it was.  Kind of blew me away.

“Really? So it’s not just Builder?”

“Nope,” she assured me.  ”It’s normal.”

How, then, do we deal with it?  I do so by the only method I know – telling the truth.  ”I don’t know what they’re thinking, honey.  They chose that ceiling fan years before we even moved here.  I hadn’t a clue.”

“Oh. Well, I think we need a new ceiling fan.”

And the conversation continues.  Each of us in our own minds, but he still is believing, somewhere, that our minds are on the same topic.

I am just relieved his communication skills are SO MUCH BETTER now. Truly. I shudder to think that there are kids out there who believe this to be true and feel betrayed by all around them and are unable to talk it out.

Tags: Autism, communication, Parenting, thinking